On the New Star Trek Movie

I have come out of blogger hibernation for one reason. An important reason. A reason so important, in fact, that it has caused me to come out of blogger hibernation...on account of its importance.

The reason is this: In a world already ravaged by the effects of an economic crisis, a faux medical crisis and, let's face it, increasingly crappy music, we have been given yet another problem to deal with: The wilful invalidation of Star Trek history, integrity and canon.

I imagine the problem started something like this:
NewStarTrekMovieWriterGuy: "Oh, crap. I've gotta write a new movie AND allow for an unending series of sequels?"
JJ Abrams: "Yes. Now get started before I Vulcan death grip your ass!"
NewStarTrekMovieWriterGuy: "But...my creative abilities are stifled, nay downright crushed, by all this history that Star Trek has! It's like...it's like somebody built up this largely consistent universe over decades. And it has an ardent fan-base who know and respect this shit. None of those formulaic scripts I learnt at school will work! What do I do, Double J? What do I do?!"
JJ Abrams: "If you don't get this done, I will maroon you on a spooky island with people who manage to gel their hair while being marooned! Just forget about all of that star trek stuff that's out there"
NewStarTrekMovieWriterGuy: "But won't all those fans be angry about it?"
JJ Abrams: "Listen, I've got a franchise to create here. I can't be concerned about a bunch of nerds. Just say it's happening in an "alternative universe" or something - their kind likes that type of thing."
NewStarTrekMovieWriterGuy: "Wow, Double-J! You're a genius! Now I can go wild and just plug star trek names and places, and nothing else into my ActionMovie-O-Matic and write your movie!"

...and that's how the creators of the new Star Trek movie, while making an admitedly good film, basically invalidated Star Trek canon for all future movies (and there will be future movies). Rebooting a franchise is one thing. Completely recreating it is quite another. Especially if it's as respected and well-loved as Star Trek. They've basically given themselves free reign to change everything in this alternative "Star Trek" universe they've created - if we can get away with Vulcan being destroyed in 2258, why not make the Borg a race of pot-smoking hippies seeking to assimilate everyone into their commune, or have the "alternative" Pickard be a cyborg from the future sent to save Wesley Crusher from another cyborg from the future? Hab SoSlI' Quch!, JJ, Hab SoSlI' Quch!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Junaid has left the building...

Junaid Labhadur is still alive. He just doesn't write crap here anymore.

...well, he's probably still alive. Maybe. You don't really know, do you? I mean he is alive at the moment of typing this stuff out, but is he alive when you, the reader, are reading this? There's no way for you to be sure, is there? And strange things do keep happening to him. It's very likely that he has passed on in some non-arb way. Like a satellite that was put into orbit by some dude who doesn't understand the metric system could have fallen on his head by now. Or a rabid rhino that escaped from some zoo (or someone's back yard) could have impaled him. Or maybe he got beaten up by Tony Leon and Patricia Lewis in some bizarre fight over the last copy of People magazine in a corner shop in Bloemfontein. He could have been crushed to death being sat on by Oprah on a plane as she plans another weepy show on how she gained so much weight (again) and how shes going to fight to get it off (again) while starting several lucrative and weird diet fads (again). Perhaps Junaid has died of depression after listening to too much Counting Crows despite several warnings from well-meaning friends and relatives who just don't appreciate good music. Junaid could also very likely have died at the hands of Marilyn Manson while fulfilling a life-long dream of saying "Dude, you are sooo ghey!" to his face. Or, you are reading this in 2147 as you cower in fear of your Google Overlords. In that case, Junaid is definitely not alive. In all likelyhood, though he is probably alive and kicking, so don't worry.